I’ve never really talked about this, but when I was a young kid at secondary school. I think it was year 8, but I’m not sure, I had to join my family for group counseling sessions. It was all because of my younger sister. I think I will start from the beginning so bare with me.
I was 18 months old when my younger sister was born. To this day my mum always reminds me of the first time I met her. It was at hospital. I took a look at her and ran away down the ward. First impressions and all that?!
Is suppose we have a love hate relationship with one another. Growing up we used to fight like a cat and dog, scratching each other. Mum was always having to pull us apart. Hate is a strong word, but I will say we disliked one another. This carried on for years. We didn’t really play with each other, but used to do things like holding the door shut with the light off in the dark so the other couldn’t get out. My younger sister threw a ball at me awkwardly which ended with me breaking my arm. I always got the blame for everything being the eldest and this put a strain on my relationship with my mum. Which if I’m being honest only got back on the right track when I became a mum.
When it came to going to secondary school, I went to the same one as my older sister, whereas my younger sister went to another one that had a special department for children with additional needs. I couldn’t understand why she had to go there, but it put a further wedge in our relationship.
I had argument over argument with mum about having to go to family group counseling, of course, there are benefits like the ones shown here at ReGain. But why did I have to go? Why did I have to come out of my school lessons to go? I hated every minute of these sessions and I used to sit there ignoring everyone. At 12 or 13 years old I was actually embarrassed that I had to go. I can remember saying to mum once, why can’t she be normal?
As my younger sister got older she started mixing with the wrong types of people. Well wrong people in my eyes at 17 years years old. Going into the pubs when she should have been in college. She used to and still does lie to dad and mum terribly. But I guess when she moved out from home that was our tie severed.
Now I only see her occasionally at mum’s or family things. All these past few years I’ve actually tried to help her. Shes a single mum to 2 children with another one on the way. Those were her life choices, although she is always pushing the responsibility of her children onto mum. I offer her help, but only if she changes and gets away from the crowd of unsavoury people she mixes with.
I hate to see mum so upset with her. Mum has cried many a time on the phone to me about her. It upsets me to the point I can’t stand it any more. I’ve read so many articles about removing people from your life that drain you, and bring you down. But how do you remove ties with a toxic family member? I guess to start with I have to give up the fantasy that she will change her ways.