Gray divorce is referred to a new trend of divorces among older couples. This term was first used in a study, published by AARP in 2004, to describe those aged 50 and more who were preparing their superior court divorce forms.
Five years ago, 1% of couples aged 50 and older got divorced and this number doubled the rate of older partners getting divorced in 1990. The increase was even higher for couples aged over 65 – the rate had tripled in a quarter-century.
There is evidence indicating that gray divorce, or so-called diamond one, is on the rise nowadays. Countries like Australia, Canada, Japan, and the USA have already reported an increase in the gray divorce rate. Over the last twenty years, an increasing amount of lawyers become more knowledgeable about this type of divorce. They claim that the diamond divorce rate may be attributed to two factors such as an increased life expectancy and more financially independent life among partners. However, there are many more reasons for such a rise. Let’s consider them.
Too High Expectations
Many marriages end mainly because spouses seek fulfillment in their marital life like never before. The problem is that baby boomers focus more on what their partners do for them rather than what they can do for their better halves. In the 1950s, it was defined that men should bring home the bacon, while women should be good housewives and mothers. But today, everything is different: married people expect more from their mates. They want their significant other to be their best friend, a sympathetic ear, business partner, reviewer, and lover. But as it turns out, their expectations remain unmet, and rightly so.
When most of those expectations are not met, marriages fall apart, and sooner or later, partners decide to go their separate ways. It is widely believed that such a growth in silver splitters results from baby boomers creating too high expectations while discussing them poorly with their partners. They expect their significant others to be able to read their minds, but that is not going to work.
Increased Life Expectancy
This factor is known to boost divorce rates among midlife partners. People aged over 65 are supposed to live another two or three decades and thus may think that it is too much time to live under one roof with a person they don’t love anymore. Americans live longer because of a cigarette smoking decline, better opportunities for diagnosing and treating health problems, such as cancer and cardiovascular disease, not to mention the higher quality of drinking water and air. Today, older couples are as happy as they were 20 or 30 years ago, but since they live longer they have a few more years for another marriage.
Kid-Centered Families
Sharing space for decades is tough for all married couples, especially if they didn’t have a chance to nurture their relationships. Today’s people are very likely to be kid-centered, meaning that they live like they are married not to their spouses but their kids. Couples that give too much attention to their little ones leaving no time for each other take a toll on their domestic harmony and put an end to their sex life. If spouses don’t strive to build a solid relationship that is a sound foundation for their marital happiness, they start feeling like strangers when they become empty nesters. And when this happens, they have nothing to do but to start preparing for a quick divorce online if it is possible.
Finances
Many disappointed spouses don’t initiate divorce until they feel like they have enough money to get a divorce. More often, this occurs with female partners: wives between the ages of 40 to 70 are petitioners 66% of the time. Such a tendency may indicate that female spouses at this age are more financially stable than they were before.
Also, in countries such as England, Wales and Northern Ireland, the rules on pensions and divorce mean that existing pensions are considered when dividing the assets of divorcing couples. Pensions can still be split even after couples are retired which may also be a factor in the decision for older couples on whether or not to get divorced.
Growing Apart
Both men and women, who are empty nesters, claim that the main reason behind their decision to fill out their first divorce paper form is their growing apart. Both male and female partners, whose kids are over the age of 18, mention infidelity and mental health issues of their better halves that make their life together impossible.
Every generation has its own problems. Husbands often initiate a breakup because of money issues, while most wives decide to untie the knot because of their husbands’ unfaithfulness, drug abuse, drinking, and domestic violence. Many female spouses put a blind eye to their husbands’ love affairs simply because they have kids. But as soon as the latter ones leave their homes, these women have no reason to stand their partners’ cheating and therefore give up any idea of saving their marriage.
Also, there may be conflicts between older partners when women, who have once sacrificed their careers for their little kids, decide to re-enter the workforce as empty nesters. Such a decision may cause a lot of quarrels between them and their partners, who have once sacrificed their family to bring home the bacon.
An increasing amount of midlife couples separate because one partner focuses on raising kids and another one on making living. Such spouses can easily lose touch with each other and become absolutely different personalities than they were 30, 40, and 50 years ago. When this happens, it is important to put relationships first, and if they don’t, everything cracks.