Today I’m on the blog tour for Reality Rehab by Lisa Mary London, a debut novel from a journalist and former reality TV producer. Reality Rehab is clever, funny and full of hilarious characters.
I’m happy to share with you an extract from the book. but first here is a little bit about the book.
Faded TV star Gloria Grayson has hit rock bottom. Sacked from her starring role in a top soap, divorced from hell-raising actor ‘Mad’ Tommy Mack, and obese from binge eating, her days as Britain’s sexiest blonde are well and truly over.
Gloria has gained 70 lbs when a paparazzi snaps unflattering photos and a cruel tabloid article relaunches her career. Instantly she and her fat, feisty dog Baby-Girl are booked for TV’s Reality Rehab.
Gloria is locked up with an American psychotherapist, a rabble of D-list celebrities and umpteen cameras, then put on a starvation diet. But worse is to come, with the shock arrival of her alcoholic ex-husband.
Tears and tantrums ensue as the divorced couple’s joint therapy sessions take over the show and ratings soar. The other celebrities are infuriated to be sidelined and Reality Rehab fast becomes the Tommy and Glo Show. But Gloria and Tommy are hiding explosive secrets from each other and 10 million viewers – Reality is stranger than fiction!
Read on for the extract!
Extract from Reality Rehab
Life’s a Bitch and Then You Diet
The weirdest thing just happened. A woman walked up to my table at Highgate Bistro and said: ‘Excuse me – Didn’t you used to be Gloria Grayson?’ I was reading about Kim Kardashian’s latest diet in a celebrity magazine, a forkful of steak and chips halfway to my mouth.
I was taken aback. Used to be Gloria Grayson? What a strange question. Whatever could she mean? I put down my cutlery, gave her my most dazzling smile and replied, wittily, that I was still Gloria Grayson the last time I looked.
She was a dumpy old lump bless her, but the burden of fame weighs heavy on me. I can’t begrudge a fan the chance to bask in my celebrity aura, even a fan as drab as this one. Then I awaited the inevitable selfie request. But it never came. She just raised a shaggy eyebrow, sniggered and lumbered back to her equally frumpy friend.
They’re sat two tables down, having coffee and tarte tatin. I hope they didn’t nab the last slices, that’s my favourite dessert. They’re whispering and giggling…
People can act strangely in the presence of a star. It’s intimidating for them I suppose, they’re overwhelmed, God love ‘em. Come to think of it, it’s been a while since I was approached by a fan. When I was on TV every week, the lead actress in Britain’s top soap, I was forever being mobbed. Fans chased me down the street pleading for photos and autographs, desperate to cop a feel of a genuine, bona fide star.
Well there are so few of us around these days, thanks to reality television and all the ghastly fake celebrities it’s spawned. To a great extent, I blame my agent Belinda. She’s taken loads of these reality TV types on her books, you know the sort. Nonentities who are famous for absolutely no good reason. People without an ounce of talent, whose hitherto biggest life achievement was producing a bowel movement.
These no-marks are NOT celebrities, but Belinda’s getting work for them hand over fist and neglecting me, the genuine article!
I wouldn’t mind if they had a talent, could dance, sing, tell a joke or even read autocue without squinting. But they can’t and they’re stealing work off us pros! We’ve earned our fame the hard way, been to drama school, toured the provinces, slept with TV executives. These cretins spend a fortnight in a house with CCTV cameras and walk out of there megastars. The world’s gone mad.
I met that Joey Essex at a showbiz do once. Nice enough lad, but he should be stacking shelves at Homebase, not hosting his own TV shows! He told me he had big plans to break America. HA! He’s more likely to break one of those sparrow ankles, he’s as thin as he is thick – there’s more meat on a Stella McCartney catwalk.
He was all over me, horribly star-struck. Gushed he was my biggest fan ever, said I was ‘Reem’ and ‘Sick’ and begged me to pose for a selfie. I duly obliged, and later found he’d posted it to Instagram with the caption: ‘Me & Barberra Windser – Wot A Carry On, LOL!!!’ It got 10,000 likes and what’s more, NO ONE CORRECTED HIM!
And this is what the millennial generation calls a celebrity… Liza Minnelli would be spinning in her grave, if she were dead.
If you liked this why not pop over to Ali the Dragon Slayer for extract 2
Here are the bloggers on the Reality Rehab Tour – why not pop over and check them out?
Thanks for stopping by today, I hope you enjoyed this extract.
Reality Rehab is available from Reality Rehab
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