Grief can be a multifaceted feeling. It’s challenging to work through when you’re an adult, but things make even less sense when you’re a kid. You should remember to put your child first through the grieving process, as they’re likely dealing with difficult emotions for the first time. Though it hurts to see your child in such emotional pain, you have to remain strong for them, so you can guide them on the path to healing.
1. Explain the Process
The grieving process is difficult to understand for even adults. Grief usually means that a large change is happening in someone, and your child may not yet be adjusted to change and what it means for the rest of their life. The uncertainty of the future behaves like failure in the human brain, so it makes sense that many people would be afraid of change and the unknown.
As you and your child walk through this process together, explain to them what’s happening. Teach them what certain terms mean, and create a road map for the near future with them. That way, they’ll feel less uncertain since you’ll be with them.
2. Work With Them to Create Coping Strategies
Every child is different, so you can be sure that your kid will deal with grief a bit differently than someone else’s. You should discuss things openly with your child to better understand their feelings and what weighs most heavily on them. For example, in the case of a death in the family, one child’s grief could be around never seeing that person again, while the other could struggle with the concept of death and what happens after people die.
Different fears and emotions require different approaches. Put your child at the front of the discussion about coping strategies. Ask them what they think would help when feeling overwhelmed. They might need outside reassurance, or they may be able to repeat a mantra in their mind that empowers them. Work with your child enough, and they should emerge with coping strategies that will help them through their time of grief.
3. Encourage Their Feelings
One of the best ways to help your child navigate the new world of grief is to encourage them to open up. They may start to feel like they’re broken or something’s wrong with them, but you need to let them know it’s okay to feel negative emotions around this event. If they feel more comfortable talking about their emotions, they’ll likely open up more and learn that it’s better to talk about how they feel than to isolate themselves.
4. Consider Therapy
A valid option to help your child through a huge transition is taking them to therapy. Therapy isn’t just for “broken” people, nor does it deserve a stigma around it. It’s a resource for everyone to use. It’ll teach your child coping skills you may not have known existed, and someone will be able to relate to them on a level you likely haven’t been trained in. Therapy can teach your child how to deal with change or grief in the future if it happens again. You might find they benefit so much from therapy that it convinces you to go, too.
5. Teach Them How to Keep Going
Grief is a tricky concept, as no two people grieve the same way for the same amount of time. Dwelling in negative emotions for too long can be dangerous for your child’s mental and physical health, as the immune system weakens due to prolonged stress. You should encourage your child to feel what they’re feeling — but they shouldn’t let it consume them. They need the motivation to keep going, even though it may feel hard.
You can model this behavior for your child. Though it might hurt for you to heal, you can show them that it’s possible to move forward. You are your child’s first role model. If they see that you’ll be okay despite the significant change, they’ll know they will be all right, too.
6. Give Them a Role
In events like a loved one’s death, it might be best to give your child their own special role so they can navigate their way through the grieving process by coming to terms with the reality. Plus, it helps them feel close to the friend or family member a final time. For example, if your family member has a funeral, your child may be responsible for reading a poem or walking beside the casket.
When given a role, children will feel more important and valued. If they were close to the person who passed, they deserve to have a small job that will help them feel like they’re doing a favor or taking care of their loved one a final time. Work with your loved ones to find the perfect match for a task for your child.
7. Be Honest With Them
Honesty is one of the most important virtues you can teach your child. From an early age, you should teach them that honesty is what will help grow and foster trust in their relationships, and you should recognize when they’re honest with you and tell them how much it means to you. When your child knows the value of honesty, you should be honest with them in return.
Navigating the grieving process is going to be difficult, and your child deserves to know that. Answer any questions they have about grief, death, leaving or any other heavy topics. Knowing what they’re up against can help your child prepare — and they’ll feel much better about the situation since you’re by their side.
Help Your Child Through The Grief
No two people feel grief the same way, so you shouldn’t expect your child to be able to work through the grieving process the same way you can. However, you can give them advice and be honest with them about what to expect in the near future. As time goes on, your child’s pain may heal, but there’s no right time to stop grieving. Remind your child that you’re there for them, no matter what. They’ll be grateful to have you by their side, reminding them that everything will be all right in the end. Life keeps moving forward, and so will you and your child.