Relationship breakdowns are a tough time to navigate through, this can get especially complicated when you have a young family. A family who will inevitably be affected by the change in the family dynamic. While nobody has a magic wand to help you through the tough times there are a few helpful hints available to help you navigate the emotional time that is a relationship breakdown.
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Everyone needs support
Separation is an emotionally difficult time, for children and adults. There are times when as the parent you can feel particularly overwhelmed by the pain and trauma of the breakup and find yourself unable to offer your support to your children. This is not uncommon and it is important to find support for yourself in this situation. Turn to friends, family members, or professionals to help give you the support you need to get through a very difficult time. Remember, you will be unable to look after and support your children if you do not first look after yourself.
Seek professional advice
Splitting up a family dynamic can be complicated with lots of practicalities and logistics to sort out. You might need to make alternative living arrangements, split your financials and assets and work out suitable childcare and visitation and contact arrangements. This can be an overwhelming and difficult prospect. If you are finding this hard, frustrating, or are unable to agree then it is a good idea to turn to professionals for help. People who deal with these kinds of situations day in and day out and, importantly, are neutral parties. In this instance, you might want to consider the professional input of family lawyer services or mediators.
Explain your break up to your children
This is often one of the more difficult and emotionally charged tasks when dealing with a relationship breakdown. How you tell your children will depend on their age, understanding, and emotional status of your children, but to help you here are some ways to help you discuss the matter with them.
- If you can, try to ensure both parents are present when breaking and explaining the news. Both parents can then be there to reassure the children that the breakup is in no way their fault and that they both still love them.
- Try to tell your child as much as you can about how things will look going forward. This will help settle them and provide a little comfort and routine. This is why it is a good idea to tell your children after you have thought out and devised a plan for your next steps.
- Read books together that might help to explain the situation or tell stories about other people’s experience of family breakdowns.
- Allow your children to ask questions if they want and try to answer them as honestly as possible. Remember your children’s age when discussing this with them and try to use age-appropriate language.
- You may have to have this conversation and explain the situation with your child multiple times, so be prepared to talk about it continually.
- Seek professional advice if you feel your child could benefit from it.
- Remember, it is OK to be upset.