This Is How I Cope as a Mom With ADHD

Self Care

When you hear the term “ADHD,” you probably picture a child wriggling in their school seat, unable to pay attention. However, this disorder has no age limit — parents can be afflicted, too.

I know because I’m a mom with this disorder. While it certainly makes parenting more challenging, especially while holding down a job, it’s completely doable with the right approach. I’m a big believer in learning from each other, and this is how I cope as a mom with ADHD.

1. I Eliminate Distractions

Distractions can pull anyone away from their work. However, research shows the brains of people with ADHD process interruptions differently. For example, it’s more difficult for them to ignore outside noise, meaning the same soft rock playing in the office background that most folks tune out with ease can have them singing along instead of balancing that budget report.

However, there’s a workaround for eliminating these interruptions. A pair of noise-canceling headphones can be your best office friend, especially if you use them to stream quiet instrumentals — no lyrics. Research shows that white noise helps ADHD brains remain focused and address timing deficits. It also serves as a valuable “do not disturb” signal to my colleagues that I’m in deep work and unable to stop for water cooler chat.

What about my cellphone? As a working mom, I can’t silence the ringer in case my littles need to reach me during the day. However, I can tuck it away in my desk drawer where my eyes aren’t distracted by umpteen notification icons.

2. I Create a Place for Everything

Who else is familiar with this scenario: you’re running late but can’t find your keys. Before you know it, you waste a half-hour looking for them, only to see them in the pocket of the pants you wore yesterday.

One of my ultimate coping hacks as a mom with ADHD is to create a place for everything. For example, you’ll never lose your keys again if you hang a hook near your front door where you drop your mail and place them there every day without fail.

This tip has made me a better parent — my methods keep my kids organized. A coat rack holds everyone’s backpacks, and a charging station manages everyone’s devices at night while keeping them out of the bedroom where they can disrupt sleep. Homework assignments go directly into their bags when they finish, so they’re ready to grab and go in the morning.

3. I Use My Planner

Coping as a mom with ADHD has also improved my children’s planning skills. That’s because I rely on my version to keep me on track and on time. I share what I’ve learned about the effective use of this tool with my kids.

For example, we sit down at the start of each semester and chart important dates like exams, term papers and even soccer matches. I cross-reference these against my planner to manage schedule conflicts without a last-minute scramble. We then review our weekly schedule each Sunday evening, making to-do lists for each day, including time estimates for each task. At the end of each day, we adjust these as necessary.

4. I Break Tasks Into Lists

The words, “I need to clean the living room,” can overwhelm me so much that I end up on the couch with nothing completed. My stress levels climb as the mess grows around me. Don’t even get me started on statements like, “This house is a disaster area.” That mindset makes me throw up my hands before I wash a single dish.

Instead, I break each task down into smaller lists. For example, cleaning the bathroom:

I throw the towels and throw rugs (if necessary) into the washing machine and start it.
While that runs, I start by attacking the toilet with a pumice stone.
I polish the tub.
I shine the mirrors.
I remove everything from the countertops and wipe them down.
I mop the floor.
I replace the towels (and rugs) once they dry.

Making checklists such as the one above also comes with a bonus. It helps keep my kiddos on track with their share of the household chores. A vague command, “Go clean up your room,” doesn’t work when the easy retort is, “But mom, I did.” Now, I can go down the line: Did you dust your desk and dresser? Vacuum the rug?

5. I Give Myself a Break

The above coping hacks work for me — most of the time. However, I’m human. Sometimes, I still misplace things or forget an appointment that didn’t make it into my planner. Such episodes used to send me into a panic, followed by a deep depression, wondering, “Why can’t I do anything right?”

However, nowadays, I treat my ADHD like the medical condition it is. I remind myself that, like people with dynamic disabilities, I will have good and bad days. When a not-so-good one strikes, I treat myself with loving-kindness, learning what I can from my mistakes and then letting them go.