Raising a well-adjusted teenager is part science and part art. It’s easy to recognize some of the most common signs that occur during adolescence, otherwise known as the “teen years,” such as the onset of puberty, voice changes, development of acne, and hair growth on and under the arms.
Teaching your teens the importance of honesty and providing your kids with the tools and coping mechanisms will help them develop into well-rounded individuals and good citizens.
One other common trait of adolescence is that teens lie more than any other age group. In some studies, respondents replied that they repeatedly lie to their parents during their teen years, to the tune of over 82%!
And it can be difficult for parents to tell when their teen is lying.
Teens can become very convincing liars, especially if they lie often enough.
Another study showed that when it came to teen drinking, only one-third of parents knew that their teenager was drinking.
This suggests that even when parents know or suspect that teenagers, in general, tend to drink, they may not believe that their teenager is one of them.
If you’re curious about the validity of what your teens are saying to you is true or not, parents need to look for clues by paying attention to any changes in behavior or attitude.
If a teen suddenly becomes more secretive or evasive when asked questions, this could be a sign that they are hiding something.
Additionally, if a teen’s story does not add up or seems too good to be true, it may be worth investigating further. Reasons that teens may choose to tell a lie versus the truth can vary case-by-case without consistent reasoning, but causes may include;
- To deflect blame
- To elevate status
- Playing the victim
- Avoid parental disappointment
- Sense of control, aka “gaming the system.”
As a parent, creating an environment of open and honest dialogues may occur where teens feel comfortable is crucial.
Discuss The Importance Of Truth Vs. Lying
When you’re at your wits end about “dealing with my lying teen,” it’s crucial to model the right behaviors and discuss the value of telling the truth versus lying.
Telling the truth is an important lesson to teach children of all ages. Another suggestion is to potential consequences of being dishonest, such as people not believing what they say.
One thing to consider is that you need to teach your teenager the difference between telling the truth and being brutally honest as a way to be hurtful.
Balancing honesty with compassion is a sophisticated social skill your teen needs to learn early on.
Finally, it’s vital to discuss actions and consequences for dishonesty. Teaching your child these lessons will help them develop into honest and responsible adults.
How Adults Must Model Honesty
As a parent, you need to model the behaviors that you want your kids to adopt, and exhibiting honesty is a necessary trait to model for your kids.
For example, parents should not lie about their child’s age to get them a cheaper meal at a restaurant or say they are not feeling well to get out of a social engagement they don’t want to attend.
Your kids are watching and listening to everything you do, and they internalize your actions as the outline for how they should navigate their world. They will end up imitating, so it’s critically important for parents to set an example.
Talking to your kids about the importance of being honest and why they should tell the truth even when it’s difficult or uncomfortable is a crucial life lesson.
One of the most common reasons for teen lying is to avoid or get out of trouble.
For example, teens may choose to be dishonest about their whereabouts, social interactions, or activities to avoid punishment from parents or teachers.
They may also lie about their grades or other accomplishments to appear more successful than they are.
In general, teens will lie in an attempt to resume a semblance of control over their lives. During adolescence, developing independence and charting how to navigate the stresses and adversity in life is common.
As such, teens may lie to destress or de-escalate a situation they perceive to be spiralling out of their comfort zones and control.