Being a parent is a full-on experience, to say the least. From the moment you take on the role of mum or dad, it can feel like your life changes beyond recognition. Kids change your life in many wonderful ways, but can also make it challenging to retain your identity as an individual. But, it is not merely your relationship with yourself that is likely to have changed. Your relationship with your partner is also likely to have become different. How To Keep Your Relationship Healthy When You are a Busy Parent is a topic that we are talking about today.
Going from being a carefree couple giving each other your undivided attention to becoming a family unit is a significant transition to make and takes a lot of getting used to. Even when you have adjusted and used to your new roles, it can still be challenging to retain the closeness you had before the kids came along. One particular issue parents struggle with is having very little time alone together as a couple. This point is backed up by research that shows parents spend half as much time alone together than non-parent couples. Knowing how to retain your closeness when there are so few opportunities to spend time together can be tricky. Prioritising your relationship when there are packed lunches to be made, school uniforms that need to be ironed, and homework to be done is tough. That is without even taking into account all the other responsibilities that come with adulting.
So, the big question for parents is how do you make sure your relationship stays healthy while juggling the demands of parenting? If this is a dilemma you face, you could try some of these ideas and see if they work for you and your partner.
Make the Little Things Count
While romantic strolls and candlelit meals may be out the window, for now, that does not mean missing out on the bond that comes from being together. Big romantic gestures such as a last-minute weekend in Paris or a massive bunch of roses sent to your workplace may once have wowed you, but nowadays, having your partner make you a cup of coffee each morning could evoke the same feelings. Letting each other know you care is crucial to retain your closeness. Sometimes it is small, thoughtful gestures that remind you how much you mean to each other.
Keep a Sense of Humour
From potty training mishaps to major parenting fails, there are many opportunities for parenting to become highly stressful. When you are having a manic day with the kids, it is easy to get snappy with each other and fall into a pattern of bickering and feeling irritated with each other. Sometimes, the only thing to do is keep a sense of humour about the whole situation to prevent stress from creeping in and driving a wedge between you both. Of course, there will be times frustration gets the better of you both, but family time will be a lot happier if you manage to keep your perspective and not take your frustrations out on each other.
Be Aware of Resentment
Do you argue over who should do the housework, whose turn it is to get up in the night with the baby, and who should put away the laundry? These issues may seem minor at first, but if nothing changes and you continually feel like the one doing everything yourself and taking on the majority of the household workload it can lead to resentment.
Resentment is common in many relationships. When there are two of you, it is natural for one person to feel like they do the bulk of the work while the other party contributes less. After a while, this resentment can build up into a cycle of arguments, with the same points being discussed over and over again without making any progress. This type of resentment can have a caustic impact on a relationship and lead to changes in behaviour because of a perceived wrong committed by the other person. Feeling wronged can cause you to become frosty towards each other, ruining opportunities for you to spend quality time together, and ultimately damaging your relationship. Resentment can be a destructive force, so preventing it from being a central part of your relationship is essential. Discussing issues before they build up enough to create resentment is an excellent way to stop this destructive force in its tracks.
Work as a Team
Working together as a team is the antithesis of a relationship filled with resentment. When each person plays an equal role in family life and values the other’s contribution, it can make for a far more harmonious atmosphere within the relationship. There is no getting around the fact that parenting is tough. But, when you have someone to work with you and share the load, parenting becomes a lot more manageable and enjoyable. Finding ways to split tasks around the house and each play an equal role in your children’s lives may seem easier said than done, but it can entirely transform your family dynamic in a truly positive way when you achieve that. When you are both equally involved in family life and making an input, it becomes easier to make informed joint decisions on what is best for your family. Sharing the massive workload that comes with running a house and keeping up with family life also helps you free up some time to spend together enjoying each other’s company.
Take Time to Chill
After an exhausting day keeping up with the demands of working, raising children, and keeping your home running smoothly, it can be hard to know what to do with your evenings. If you and your partner frequently sit on the sofa, each with your phone in your hand scrolling through social media, you may want to shake things up a little.
Making time to relax is crucial, but finding a way to do it together is especially important. Even passive activities, such as watching television, can be beneficial and more enjoyable if you do them together. Watching films and tv shows that interest you can be a great way to look forward to spending time chilling out together, especially if you find a boxset that you cannot wait to binge on. If you cannot find anything you like, why not expand your viewing with DistroTV on demand to provide a larger selection of programmes for you to enjoy? Getting engrossed in a drama or docu-series that you watch together can be a great way to keep you off your phones and discussing what is happening on screen between episodes.
Talk it Through
Communication is crucial in every area of life but is even more important in relationships. It is easy to fall into a habit of not communicating with your partner, which is understandable as family life is so busy. But, when you have something on your mind, it is often better to share the load and discuss what you are feeling. Making an effort to check in with each other to make sure you are OK is an easy way to keep the lines of communication open. Knowing you can discuss issues, thoughts and feelings with each other can be a valuable source of relief and reduce the stress of family life.
Make It Fun
As adults, making time for fun is often either completely forgotten about or very low on the list of priorities. But, having fun as an adult is just as important as it was in childhood. Keeping the fun in your relationship may be difficult when you are knee-deep in nappies, but when you get to spend time alone together, why not make fun a priority every once in a while. Trying new things together without the kids in tow can be a great way to have a good time and strengthen your bond. For example, you could try something active such as a visit to a waterpark or ice skating, or you could learn a new skill together, such as salsa dancing. It doesn’t matter what you do; the important thing is that it makes your time together fun.
Don’t Be Afraid to Get Help
Even the strongest relationships go through difficult patches every once and a while. If your partnership is feeling under strain or just does not seem to be working at the moment, then this is entirely normal. Maintaining a healthy relationship is hard, and when you have kids, it becomes even more of a challenge. If you are struggling to work through your issues right now, then talking things through with a relationship counsellor could be a great help. Your partner and yourself may find it beneficial to gain a fresh perspective and receive guidance from an unbiased third party to help you work through your difficulties.
No relationship is perfect, but finding ways to make your partnership work in a way that suits you both is the best way to stay close, enjoy each other’s company while sharing the wonderful experience of parenting.
*This is a collaborative post