New Mum Stories: Bridie by the Sea

This weeks New Mum Stories guest poster is Bridie from Bridie By The Sea. Bridie tells us about how becoming a mum has changed her.

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Over to you Bridie

When my little girl was five weeks old, I was struck by a defining moment in my life as as Mum. It was almost as if something was tapping me on the shoulder, urging me to take notice. I had a chance cup of tea alone with my sister-in-law and she asked the best questions I had been asked since the birth.

What’s it like now not working? Do you miss living in London? Did you know what to do straight away?

As she asked me these questions, genuinely wanting to know, I realised how rare this was. And then it hit me. For 5 weeks everyone had been asking the same things: Have you recovered yet? How’s her sleep? Above all, I realised that these ponderings hadn’t even entered my mind. And as we had a chat about it, I sighed with relief that someone actually cared how I was feeling. Someone actually acknowledged me before telling me how beautiful my baby was.

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New Mum Stories: The Life of a Glasgow Girl

On this week’s New Mum Stories we have the lovely Jordanne from The Life of a Glasgow Girl. Her first few weeks were hard as a new mum but now 2 and a half years later she cherish’s them more than ever.

Over to you Jordanne.

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Hi, My names Jordanne and I blog over at Thelifeofaglasgowgirl.co.uk


Laying in bed watching my little guy sleep I thought to myself, How did I get so lucky? How on earth is my little man so perfect and I get to be his mum? Life is just, perfect.

Fast forward 10 minutes and I’m about to rip my hair out. I’m about to scream my head off into the pillow and run away to a beach a.s.a.p My perfect little guy is spewing…. Like, Projectile vomiting all over me, all over the bed and all over the floor. He is screaming which in turn upsetting me because I can’t move fast at all, My Gran isn’t home and my other half is at work. I feel helpless, I feel like I can’t help my child and it’s so unnerving. Sitting in a pool of sick, with my child in my arms and an excruciating pain shooting through my c-section wound I can’t help but think, This IS motherhood. 

The Life of a Glasgow Girl

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New Mum Stories Guest Post – Me vs She

Hello and welcome to my new guest post series New Mum Stories. This weeks post is from the lovely Mouse, Moo & Me Too  

This is a lovely heartfelt post that I’m sure many of us can relate to at the start of our motherhood journey.

Mouse Moo & Me Too

Me vs She

“You look like you’ve got such a strong bond with her. You have, haven’t you? You’ve bonded with her?”
 
The question hangs in the air for a moment. I’m at my six-week post-natal check with Mouse, just over three years ago. We sit in the doctor’s room on the top floor of the busy practise. She is a locum, and she doesn’t remember me from a few years previously, when I was a patient at another surgery and terrified that I had skin cancer. She’s kinder now, softer, but still I don’t feel that I can be honest. “Oh, definitely.” I reply. 
 
I think I have bonded with her. I can feel her without looking at her – I sense when she’s awake even if she’s not in the same room, her smell is permanently on my skin, I know each and every little noise that she makes. And yet, in my very darkest hours when my body is begging for sleep, I resent her. There. It’s out. I resent her for changing my life so completely, like taking an immaculately organised drawer of treasures and upending it all over the floor. The treasures are still there, but not in their right place, and some of the really fragile pieces may have broken with the trauma and I don’t know if they can be fixed.
 
Suddenly, she dictates everything. When I sleep, wake, eat, wash, leave the house, sit down, return home. I can’t have a conversation with my husband unless she is otherwise engaged with milk or asleep. I miss him. We’ve barely been married for a year and most of that saw me pregnant and changing. I don’t know how to be his wife without also sustaining another person. I feel so much pressure. I need to shift this baby weight. I need to meet new people. I need to socialise with the people I’ve already met. I need to join groups. I need to maintain the house and have a meal on the table for 6pm. 
 
What I really need is to sleep. To lay down. To ask someone for help. To not have to pretend that I’ve got this. To admit that I don’t know what I’m doing.
 
At my lowest point, I hand her to my husband and say, “There was nothing even wrong with us before. We were fine, just us two. Why did we ever think a baby was a good idea? I don’t even want her.” I don’t even want her. I actually said that. I can remember exactly where I was stood when I said it, in our old kitchen, with the fake marble floor tiles cold against my feet despite the June warmth. Two plates were in front of me, I was trying to assemble dinner. I don’t even want her.
 
She takes, without shame. Nothing comes back – she can barely even focus on me, she looks past me. There are no smiles yet, no coos. I google “why doesn’t my baby like me?” and get thousands of search hits back. It turns out a lot of new mums don’t think that their baby likes them. 
 
And then, one day, we’re laying on the carpet of her old bedroom and I’m singing to her:
 
Rock-a-bye baby, in the treetop
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,
And I’ll catch you baby, cradle and all.
 
That’s not how the lullaby ends. It ends with the baby falling along with the cradle, but I can’t bring myself to sing that line. I suddenly realise that I’ve been loving her with the barriers up, because I can’t take the pain that one day I might lose her. That I’ll have to leave her. That we won’t be here together forever. That one of us will have to live without the other. Have you ever grieved for something before you’ve lost it, because you’re frightened of how strongly you feel?
 
I haven’t bonded with her, because I’ve been protecting my heart. What did I write on her birth announcement card? “She is so new, and yet we have known her forever.” I need to let her in.
 
I let her in.
Thanks Mouse Moo & Me Too.
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Don’t forget if you would like to guest post on New Mum Stories you can find all the info over on the New Mum Stories page
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Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday